The existence of effective, ineffective and incorrect communication implies the existence of effective, ineffective and incorrect listening.
The existence of effective, ineffective and incorrect leadership implies the existence of effective, ineffective and incorrect following.
The latter sets are the foundational skillsets for “communication skills”. Teaching this in the wrong order leads to many of the problems seen with modern spaces that attempt to create harmony by teaching “communication”.
The majority of these attempts do cover the “art of listening”, but there is a tendency to focus on human interactions at home and at work, and emotional processing with loved ones.
This well-intentioned “basic” listening skillset is actually the unbeatable final boss of the game.
The natural misguided remedy for this error of ambition is to try and impose and police the use of an unnatural abstract vocabulary to control variables and unknowns. Over-emphasising these formal communication techniques and vocabulary in daily human interaction leads to self-absorption along the lines of whatever traits are activated in an individual at a certain time.
This roughly follows two paths and can be exhibited by the same individual:
a) A person utterly convinced of the power and importance of their own voice and manner of speaking regardless of the substance and rigour of the content and actual effects and results for others, therefore taking some credit or providing critique for everything in their vicinity, regardless of whether they had a role in it
b) A person utterly convinced that every word and interaction is a learning experience from failure, and therefore spends a lifetime internalizing and taking blame for the inexcusable laziness and intellectual deficit of the peers and audience they circularly attract with this mentality by natural selection
The longest surviving traditions, institutions and teachers across fields and demographics understand this:
The correct foundational skillset to train is the ability to follow instructions and gain the desired result. This includes:
a) complete, explicit instructions
b) incomplete, inferred or erroneous instructions
c) instructions applied outside their original intent
These categories will be with humankind at least till our next evolutionary upheaval.
From accepting their existence and building upon our ability to deal with them flows the ability to read, watch and listen, to form theory of mind, to create instructions and understand your and others’ mistakes, choose between detail and concision, choose between radical honesty and diplomacy, communicate well, exhibit “leadership”, create fellowship, resolve conflicts, have a growth mindset and many other soft skills that society now desires to “teach” at a democratic mass level.
If you are currently struggling with self-improvement on communication, designing a program for others or you’re a new parent without much social support of smart family members and effective schooling:
Consider starting with daily tasks and projects covering the three categories of instructions., and perhaps first try it on yourself.