It’s not that masculinity is inherently less aesthetic than femininity (a cruel meme) it’s that it’s easier for masculinity to look unaesthetic than femininity, because there are less default natural curves and many more rough & abrupt textures/emotions to work with.

This is why even a moderately large belly looks asymmetrical and maybe even comical on a man, but the same one would not look as disproportionate on a woman, unless she chose her clothes very poorly.

Because of the general size difference, stronger features, tenuous relationship to anger, historical baggage of patriarchal and sexual control, and built-in biological instincts it’s also way easier for anything you do to feel dangerous and creepy. *Even between men.*

Hair, body and facial hair, skin, skin texture impact the kind of aesthetics that look cohesive on humans, including your mannerisms and facial expressions — this is why so many women remove the relatively little hair they have. (not speaking in favour or against it, I’m just telling you why)

Symmetric lines, curves, folds, contrasting or asymmetric embellishments and exaggerations are a primary source of *distinctive* aesthetic value, but men only gain these through muscle definition, hair styling or very specific clothing (suits, sherwanis, armor etc)

BUT: these are all the *same things* that can be harnessed to be a genuine source of safety and attraction for others, and especially *grandeur. In some ways that femininity on its own cannot (the same way masculinity in isolation doesn’t have access to some things )

All of this means, in general, you have less aesthetic (some spaces conflated with moral) leeway to be unfit, unclean, or wear/do something that really stands out without cohesion. These dealt cards are oppressive till you get it right, but there’s a lot of upside too:

**it’s just a design language.** Some guys are so good at understanding this language that they can seem to get away with any look, and any mannerisms. (But chances are they took invisible effort/pains to get each thing right till it became effortless)

All people who come across as aesthetic have mastered this design language. So when a female bodybuilder looks both feminine and yet scarily fit in a “masculine” way from hard work/juicing- she has either on purpose or accidentally, mastered a language that suits her.

One of the greatest examples I’ve seen of cohesive gender-bending is Job, from the show Banshee (Most people say Prince or Bowie, and they’re the classic examples. But the actor who plays Job, the writers, and the makeup dep of Banshee absolutely nail it).

It’s the cohesiveness that makes you feel good. That cohesiveness comes from accepting what you are given, and because of that, you are able to modify it to create an effect that represents you.

Not everyone is capable of high-fashion revolution but every guy, really every person of every gender, is capable of discovering defaults that work for them and especially the confidence to simply exist in a space without requiring permission to nor needing to give it.

A foundational axiom underlying that is to understand you are not born inherently “ugly” or “bad” as a man, but civilization makes it easier than nature to look and be terrible or incredible, whereas in a natural setting without excesses you will look and be simply “male” or “female” or “grug who looks a bit different”

And if you want to step out of this game you absolutely should, and if you want back in on it, you absolutely can. If you want to dabble only when you think it’s important, that’s what most of us do. There will be trade-offs for each choice. This is ok. You are ok.

This is not a design piece. It’s a piece to persuade you to stop ruminating on and spreading the idea that dudes are inherently ugly, even as a joke. The flipside of which is you put women on a pedestal which they don’t want, and really nobody, not even most gods, deserve.

This is only hurting the insecure, troubled guys who need empathy and good advice. The confident ones don’t care, and the malicious ones are actually being helped by it. Crudely paraphrasing @visakanv: be careful what you joke about. It can be much worse and much more fateful than direct negativity.